EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
