dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
