I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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