her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
