Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
