it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
