my mouth tastes like poor choices
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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