I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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