Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
