The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
