fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
