Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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