my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
