its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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