Where did you get a picture of my penis
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
