Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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