True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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