I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
