you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
