I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
