Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
