I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
