i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
