Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
