you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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