mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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