508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
whose parrot is this?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
