Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
