if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
