I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
