She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
