don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
