wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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