what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
