I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
