he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
