Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
