in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
