this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
