haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
