Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
