I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
