If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
