We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
