i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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