gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Welp...herpes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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