FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
