people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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