Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
