You made me cry and you don't even care
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
