I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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