new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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