I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
