People with herpes should wear stickers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
