My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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